The Invisible Backpack Parents Bring to School
Updated: Aug 18
IEP Anxiety Before School: The Weight of "What If?"
Part 2 of The Invisible Backpack Series
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Part 2 of a 5 Part Series
The Weight of "What If?"
In Part 1 of The Invisible Backpack Parents Bring to School, we unpacked fear.
Well, fear's best friend is "What if?"
Some people watch horror movies to scare themselves.
I used to be exceptionally talented at terrifying myself with "what if" scenarios.
While I try not to "what-if" too much these days, I still occasionally (okay, often) find myself slipping down that slide of unknown tragedy, terror, and complete disaster.
Because anxiety has a funny habit:
It loves unanswered questions.
And when there are empty spaces, it fills them in for us.
Usually with worst-case scenarios.
One of my biggest "what ifs" as a parent involved friendships.
"What if my child struggles socially?"
The irony?
I should have known better.
As a child (who am I kidding... even now), I needed alone time.
After spending all day with people, I needed space to decompress. I didn't know how to explain that as a child; I only knew I needed it.
My older sister was the complete opposite. She needed social interaction the way fish need water.
My parents worried because I didn't want endless playdates (while my sister couldn't get enough of them).
Eventually I got tired of answering questions and told them:
"I don't have any friends."
Well...
Apparently, that was not the correct response.
The family joke is that despite all of those concerns, I later graduated from high school and was voted "Most Friendly Girl" in my senior yearbook.
(Shout out to Monroe-Woodbury Class of 1984.)
You would think this history would have given me immediate wisdom when my own son
showed similar patterns.
Nope.
Not even close.
I started sliding down the "what if" slide:
"What if he's struggling socially?"
"What if he doesn't have friends?"
"What if something is wrong?"
It took me years (okay... many years) to realize something important:
My son wasn't having social difficulties.
He simply needed what I needed.
Time alone.
And suddenly I realized something:
I wasn't responding to reality.
I was responding to fear.
Parent Power Move 💡
Before asking:
"What if something is wrong?"
Try asking:
"What information do I actually have right now?"
Because sometimes our children aren't struggling.
Sometimes they're simply being themselves.
Sometimes the things we worry about most haven’t happened at all.
🎒 Coming Next in The Invisible Backpack Parents Bring to School
Sometimes the heaviest part of the backpack isn't fear.
It's uncertainty.
Are the accommodations still appropriate?
Are the goals meaningful?
Will services be in place on day one?
Have medical, transportation, or communication needs been addressed?
In Part 3, we'll walk through the practical steps families can take before school begins to make sure nothing important gets left behind.
Because a little preparation now can prevent a lot of stress later.
And sometimes confidence comes from knowing exactly what's inside the backpack.
💙 Advocacy with Heart,
Allison — The IDEA Ally
Helpful add-ons (free tools)
Next Steps and Resources:
The following websites are incredibly helpful when navigating the Special Education world. · www.wrightslaw.com
Need help personalizing your letter or planning next steps? I offer one-on-one support—virtual anywhere in the U.S. and in-person across NY/NJ. Work with me.
About the Author
Allison Rosenberg Meyerson is a special education advocate with 30+ years in the classroom and as a literacy specialist. She is Orton-Gillingham Certified, a COPAA SEAT 1.0 graduate, and a Dyslexia Advocate. Based in Warwick, NY, she supports families across NY, NJ, and virtually nationwide through The IDEA Ally.
Contact:
Website www.TheIDEAAlly.com
Email Allison@theideaally.com
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